Sunday, November 9, 2008

This Just In

The camera has been found. Oh, Happy Day!! It had fallen down between my bed and my nightstand. I had looked there several times, even lowering my considerable girth to the floor and crawling on my belly like a flashlight-wielding reptile (have I poked out your mind's eye yet?), all to no avail. Then yesterday, I glanced down there and noticed the square, black case, and the camera was found! I probably left it in some off-the-wall place like the confirmed goobersmack that I am, and God sent an angel to put it somewhere I couldn't miss it. It's the only logical explanation.

In other news, Claire informed the good patrons of our neighborhood Taco Bell that I am cool. In a voice that can be heard for three ZIP codes, she expounded on the source of my coolness: "Because you have that flower stamp on your bootie." I tried to quietly change the subject. I did not succeed. "When I'm a grown-up mama like you, will I have a flower stamp on my bootie?" Which brings me to the source of my conviction that children are given to us to help us maintain our humility. My children are, in my humble opinion, over-achievers. Bless their little pointed heads.

We had ourselves some wildlife excitement last week. Hannah came in the house one afternoon and said she'd seen a mouse in the garage. I promptly wrote "flaming bazooka" on the grocery list, because I think if there's anything that calls for a little overkill, it is rodent elimination. Olivia went immediately to the computer, tears streaming, to google "harmless mouse trap no kill live" (she's nothing if not thorough). I was torn. I have no qualms about sending a mouse to its eternal reward, but I hated to see Olivia so upset.

She requested permission to set up a trap she found in her research. I told her to go ahead. She gathered her materials and put together a trap that would make Wyle E. Coyote beam with pride. Next she announced her intention to spend the night on the hood of the car, waiting for the furry little devil to fall prey to her device. I had told her that she had until I went to the store on Saturday to catch the mouse and free it in a nearby field.

Friday night, the little varmint was rustling around in a trash can in the garage. The kids put it in a small wastebasket and Dan took them to set it free after dinner. I may pick up a flaming bazooka as a preventive measure, in case Jerry (oh yeah, they named him) has a wife and kids somewhere behind the garden tools, the thought of which makes my skin crawl.

And on that note, y'all have a great week!


  1. I TOTALLY want a flaming bazooka! Not because I need one right now, but I should have one on hand for a "wildlife" emergency.

    You made me laugh today. Thank you.

  2. I just (don't tell Olivia!) 'took care' of a mouse in our kitchen. Carelessly, I mentioned we had a mouse living in our kitchen. Immediately, my little ones expressed excitement that Ratatoille himself was in our home!! After that, I just told them I left him a snack and he, um, didn't live with us anymore.

  3. My FIL found an electronic mouse trap that takes batteries so it can fry the sucker. Not as dramatic as the flaming bazooka but it flashes a light to let you know it got one.

  4. Oh yes, I use the flaming bazooka when there's a little problem around here in our garage too. Sorry, I just don't tell the kids.



  5. A flower stamp on your hiney AND a flaming bazooka?!?

    Girl, you totally have me beat in the "kewl" department.

    Rawk ohn!! ;o)


    PS: When I grow up I TOTALLY wanna write like you!

  6. So this is what I have to look forward to - my children telling the world about those things that I thought were a great idea when I was 19 and that I now attempt to cover up with extra-large undergarments. Darn.

  7. Oh poor Olivia. She reminds me of myself when i was a child. I loved animals so much and couldnt stand the thought of any little creature being hardmed (as long as it only had 4 legs i am so not a bug person). I am glad there was a peaceful end for the mouse and the kids.

  8. On a positive note, you'll be able to take pictures of Jerry's family IF said family should appear.

  9. Hope you're able to "move" him and his family somewhere peaceful...

    Jerry's a good name. I'd have trouble trying to kill a mouse if my child had named him Mickey though. :)

  10. Alas, I think we need a bigger bazooka--I think we have the mouse's larger cousin looming in our midst.


  11. My daughter would think it was cool too if I got a flower stamp on my hiney! If the past years are any indication though that flower will just keep growing and growing and growing!

  12. Dana,
    I just have to tell you, we are stealing your Operation Christmas Child idea. We just bought all of our goodies for our shoeboxes, and I didn't even think to include candy! Thanks for the great idea. And I'm sure the Samaritan's Purse kids thank you, too!

  13. I am SO intrigued by the butt stamp! That's something you failed to share while sitting at the homeschool convention!!

  14. Hey Dana,

    I found your blog through Joanna's. Glad I stopped by... Gave me a good laugh!

  15. like a flashlight wielding reptile...

    In a voice that can be heard for three ZIP codes...

    oh, and so many more. Your writing is so great. You're hilarious. I love your posts.

    How's that for your encouragement for the day? :)

  16. I'm laughing out loud about your mouse situation! Not because it's funny to have a mouse infestation, but because we are constantly battling the little rodents ourselves. We live in the middle of the country, surrounded by fields, so we have mice all the stinkin' time. I have a BB gun in the house for this purpose. And I have a whole blog category devoted to the "mouse tales" we experience.