Having Jesse, and him being such a new little thing, is naturally making me think back to when the older four were tiny and new. To my great disappointment, I don't remember near as much about those days as I would like to. Then there are the memories of mistakes and wrong turns and so very many things I'd do differently if I had the chance. Of course, what's done is done.
I tell myself that I'll take more pictures and more walks. That I'll read more books and give more praise. That I'll be more patient and more fun, pray more and yell less. That I'll get it right this time. I feel like the David, the writer of Psalm 40: "...my sins have overtaken me and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me".
So, what's a mother to do? The only thing I know to do is look to the God who made me. I find encouragement and correction in the Bible. There is instruction and reproof. I see my own failures and God's great provision. I find the Truth, and that Truth sets me free. I can work myself into a world-class funk thinking about my own failures as a mother, but I don't have to. I can decide what to think, and I choose whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Phillipians 4:8).
I encourage you to do the same.